Twitter Has Been Robbing You People. Seriously.

Before Twitter, blogs used to be where the exhibitionists among us shared the daily events of our lives with a world of strangers on the Internet.

Sure, we wrote beautiful prose about our startling insights and observations of human behavior.  We dove into our own inner psyches and peeled back the layers of common sense and social decency to reveal a “truer” version of ourselves.  We crafted hilarious tales of normal life that resembled sitcom pilots and used striking imagery to make our lives seem richer and deeper and more interesting, somehow, than average.  But we also relied, on occasion, on things like bullet point posts to keep our “audience” abreast of the day to day happenings in our lives.

And then came Twitter.

Now we can share the inane details of our lives in 140 characters with the immediacy that our pathetic attention spans and instant gratification appetites crave.  And blogging?  Blogging is now reserved for when we really have something worthwhile to say.

*scrolls back through recent archives*

Blogging is now reserved for when we really want to depress the hell out of everybody.

Jeeeeezus.

Maybe the good old days of bullet posts on occasion to break up the OMG THIS IS SOME HEAVY SHIT monotony weren’t such a bad thing after all.  Of course, I have already said damn near everything there is to say about daily life on Twitter, but why should I let that stop me from boring the hell out of you?

A Bulleted Update Of Miss Britt’s Daily Life, Brought To You (Mostly) By Twitter

 

So, Hilly is moving in with us. Her ultimate plan is to move back to California sooner rather than later, but her DATE TO MOVE and DATE SHE HAS TO BE OUT OF HER HOUSE didn’t exactly coordinate.  Jared and I offered to fill in the gap with our guest room.  In exchange for this gap filling, she will be responsible for providing the family with entertainment and random childcare duties, although she is completely unaware of these terms for now. Jared’s plan is to ask Hilly if she has plans for the evening and then for us to simply slip out of the house under the guise of IT’S NOT TECHNICALLY BABYSITTING IF WE DIDN’T ASK.  YOU ALL JUST HAPPEN TO BE IN THE SAME PLACE.  0 POINTS FOR US!

I don’t anticipate this plan will work very many times, but I only need to see Avatar once.

 

My laptop broke. Specifically, my laptop on which I earn my living and spend 8 to 108 hours a day on broke.  There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth and threatening babies.  Apparently, computers do not care about wailing or gnashing or babies.  You heard it here first, #dellhatesbabies.  I am now working on a loaner laptop while Adam deals with warranties and card thingies and customer service people.  I have roughly 30 or so articles that have to be written before the end of this week on someone else’s fucking computer, so I should be an absolute joy to be around for the next several days.

In other news – I used Microsoft Paint for all of these awesome images.  I deserve a cookie.

 

After a minor glitch with the company who manages the prepaid calling plans for people in jail, I got to talk to Jay on the phone. It was, in a word, good.  Out of habit, I asked “how are you doing?”, and we both kind of laughed because, well, you know.  And I feel the exact same way every time someone asks me “so how is that going with your brother?”  Because, well, you know.  He’s still in jail and being charged with robbing a bunch of banks – so there’s that.  But we are all doing much better than we were three weeks ago, because that’s what we do, isn’t it?  We learn to walk around in a new version of normal with whatever new hurt or baggage or whatever we’ve accumulated.

In other news – there is an entire company built on setting up calling plans for people in jails and prisons and such.  The American Dream, people, for real.

 

Basically, Twitter has been saving you from oatmeal.

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