Imagine, if you will, that you’re reading an eloquent introductory sentence.
You are then pulled into the next paragraph, where you encounter wit and humor and creativity like you have never known. You find yourself sitting at your computer, completely unaware that you are smiling to yourself. You laugh under your breath as you dive deeper into the post.
You can already tell, this post is going to be good. And you can’t wait for what comes next.
What did you read? Was it a funny anecdote? A smartly written one liner? Perhaps it was the retelling of an embarrassing experience that had you groping for the comment link…
Whatever it was, imagine that it’s here. Right here. At the beginning of this post… instead of the mindless drivel I’ve been reduced to writing in an effort to come up with unique ways to introduce yet another installment of 100 Things About Miss Britt.
Oh yes, it’s that time again. You’ve endured the bits about my family and minor life “moments”. You’ve languished through things that I love and things that I hate. You’ve waded through the dark and twisty tale that is my history with money. And last week, you clung to your hankies as I snotted on your shoulder and told you about all the reasons I cry.
Raise your hand if you see where this is going…
100 Things About Miss Britt: 10 Things That Make Me Laugh
- Farts. I know, I know. I’m 12. But when you grow up with two boys and my mother, you’re bound to come across more than your fair share of fart jokes. At dinner. In public. And much to my own disappointment, somewhere along the way, I have developed that sick, sick, sickiness that makes me instantly collapse into giggles at the mere mention of the word. Fart.
- Speaking of f-words, the word Fuck cracks me up too. I know. I know. Twelve. And trashy. I know. But adding the word “fuck” or “fucking” to pretty much any sentence instantly makes it funny to me. Bonus points for creative use of the F word. Such as “fuckity fuck fuck”, “fiddle dee fuck” and “frick frack fuck”. I know. Twelve.
- And while we’re talking inappropriate, let’s talk about how Booze makes me laugh. After one margarita, I will find most things mildly amusing. After two margaritas, there is nothing on Earth as funny as me. Just ask me. I. am. the Funny Judge.* (*must be said in a Master of The Universe He-Man-esque voice. Thank you.)
- Watching my friends and husband have pain inflicted on them makes me laugh too. Oh stop looking at me like that! I don’t want serious injury. Nothing that’s going to require a trip to an ER or a hefty medical bill. Sheesh. But a little flinching now and then is good for the soul. You know, now that I think about it, maybe it’s not the pain that makes me laugh. Maybe it’s the fear. Mwahahahahah… yep. That’s what it is.
- Subtle genius on TV, movies, etc. There’s no doubt that I’m easily amused. I laugh along with the laugh tracks and can usually appreciate the obvious jokes. But the subtle, quick, understated humor will make me laugh for years afterwards. My favorite scene ever from The Office is a 2 second snip of Kelly shaking her head to the camera after she’s announced she’s pregnant. Most people didn’t even notice it or were too busy laughing at something the notoriously funny Steve Carell was saying. But that one quick shake of her head said volumes and cracks me up to this day.
- But do you know what’s funnier than comedy on TV? Watching my husband watch comedy on TV. As I write this, he is sitting on the couch watching Tommy Boy. Alone. And he is howling with laughter. Oh. Wait. He’s not on the couch anymore. He is rolling around on the floor. Seriously people. On the fucking floor.
- I know I make fun of my husband a lot, but what makes me laugh even more is making fun of myself. I make fun of the fact that I’m short. And chubby in the ass and belly region. And loud. And rude. And most recently? Crazy. For some reason I find it very amusing to announce to a room full of people that “oh, I’m handling the move quite well now that I’m properly medicated”. Or to reference the time “when Mommy was losing her fucking mind. Remember baby?” What can I say? I’m an easy target.
- Penises. I’m sorry boys. I know they are your manhood and member and all that. But seriously. Have you ever looked at a penis? Ha! Hoo! HiLARious! And the flopping! Heeee Ha!
- Baby talk cracks me up too. Well, toddler talk I suppose more than baby talk. Once you get past the point where you can’t understand a damn word they’re saying and you quit pulling your hair because I don’t know! I don’t know! Just tell me what you want! Is it juuuice? Booob? Mickey Mouse and the original Fleetwood Mac? Whatever you want if you will just speak clearly for the love of God I will get it for you! After that stage, the little lisp and the tiny voice using grown up phrases is just… well… adorable. And giggle inducing. Yes, yes, I giggle.
- And do you know what makes me laugh the most? Me. I am one funny bitch. The shit that falls out of my mouth is pure genius sometimes. Seriously. I’m the funniest person I know.
Does that make me a bad person?
Whew. I’m done. Now I can high tail it on out of here to the next thing on the list of 101 Ways To Entertain People In Florida.
102 on that list is slit your own damned wrists in lieu of guests.