Someone please explain to me the mystery that is a two year old.**
(**this is a rhetorical statement)
Last Friday we went to Disney World for my son’s 8th birthday. Of course, we all went – including the two year old. Emma was the most excited about the upcoming run in with “Mittee Mouse”. Every morning she would wake up “I go see Mittee Mouse!”
I have to admit, I was just as excited about the prospect of her finally getting to experience The Happiest Place On Earth as she was.
Until we got there. She saw Mickey Mouse. And freaked the fuck OUT.
In fact, every time ANY character would walk anywhere NEAR her – she became hysterical. And not Me Seeing Prince And He Sweated On Me Oh My GAWD! hysterical. Oh no. More like Shit! Shit! Holy Hell Save Me Mickey Is Going To EAT ME!!! hysterical.
Snow white? ACK! Evil! NOOOOOO!
Mickey Mouse? Help! Help! Hide me!!
Santa Claus in the Christmas Parade? WHYYYYYY do you HATE MEEEEEE?????????
Yeah. So. Not what any of us were hoping for.
Which, OK. She’s two. It’s fairly common for a two year old to be freaked by larger than life not at all cartoony characters. I get that.
What I do not understand is what has occurred every single day since then.
First thing in the morning: “I go see Mittee Mouse again today!”
First thing out of her mouth when I pick her up at night: “We go see Mittee Mouse at his castle now!!”
What the fuck? Unfortunately, Emma does not listen to reason. I have tried providing her with logical answers such as:
- Because I said so.
- You CRIED last time Emma, remember?
- Not today. No.
But all of those perfectly logical answers have been met with an unwaivering “We go see Mittee Mouse again today!!!”
This has forced me to resort to a parenting tactic that was never required with my oldest child: flat out lying. If I’m to be believed, that poor Mickey Mouse bastard works a full time job and goes to bed at 6 o’clock every night because he is very, very tired from his long day at work.
I think he’s going out of town to visit family this weekend.
In other news, two bloggers linked to me today, in completely different ways. I’m a little overwhelmed by both.
*I have finally achieved a lifelong dream of mine and tapped into the Gay Male Market. I’m not sure how I feel about this.
*And, Shelli, bless her little heart – just oozed all kinds of sweet sticky goodness all over me. Wait, that didn’t come out right.