OK, that is just it. IT, I tell you! IT!
Something horrible is happening right now, right here on the Internet, and something absolutely MUST be done about it.
To be honest with you, I blame myself. I could have prevented this weeks ago. But I just couldn’t be bothered to clutter up my pretty blog with anything of substance. I could not be troubled with reaching out for the good of the entire blogosphere. Nay, the good of humanity.
I am ashamed.
But today I make things right!!
(and also start explaining what the fuck I’m talking about)
There’s a little contest. Maybe you’ve heard about it. It’s the Blogger’s Choice Awards.
Wait. No, you, get your ass back here. This is not about YOU and YOUR disdain for all things votey and awardy and popularity contesty. This, my friend, is about humanity. And possibly boobs.
A while ago, Fabby finally came out and admitted that he wanted to win. He laid it all out there. He shared with us his dreams. In a blogosphere that is quick to cut out your heart if you show too much of it – or dare to step away from the Too Cool For School Awards kids – this man humbled himself before us.
His story touched me in special places that are rarely touched more than 4-7 times a month.
And yet, I did nothing.
Honestly, I figured I wouldn’t have to. Someone else would save the whales recycle do my kid’s homework end prostitution pimp for the Fab-mister and spend their day registering multiple email addresses and voting. Someone else would take care of it. Fabby would win and finally have peace. In the end, good would prevail and I would be happy and un-inconvenienced.
But Fabby knew better. Mr. Fabulous knew that bloggers are inherently lazy selfish easily distracted busy people, and would therefore need some kind of bribery incentive to get of their butts and vote. And so he put his brilliance to good use and offered a pimping contest.
Ah! At last! A chance at an OhMiBod and one intimate night with Prince! Surely this will motivate me to Do Something!
But alas, no. Even then I did not take action because it wasn’t my brother going to war my tax refund was actually pretty big last year I wasn’t using my civil liberties anyway I just had other things to do man, back up off me!
But now. Now I can take no more.
Now, I fear, someone may actually be cheating Mr. Fabby out of his happiness. And that just can’t happen. (Oh yeah, I fucking said it. You came from 8 votes to top 3 in 12 hours fairly my aching ASS! Bring it.)
So. Now I come to you, dear Internet. You simply must, must dedicate at least 15 minutes of your day today to go click on the damned link, register your email address, confirm, blah blah blah – and Vote. For Mr. Fab (aka Pointless-Drivel).
This cannot wait until tomorrow. Today, Friday, October whatthehellever-eth, is the absolute last day to vote.
What happens if you, like me, sit idely by and watch this man’s dreams die?
Why should YOU care?
1. Dooce could win. And dude, that chic has won enough fucking shit. And she cannot love you like the Fab Boy can love you. Plus she sucks and is not funny and likes to be mean to sites that are mean to her. OK? (yeah, I said it. Bring it.)
2. OK, the other possiblity is Crystal of the Boobies and she is hysterical. Really, really hysterical. And very much deserves good things as well. But she kind of already got to go to something for free recently (BlogHer) and Mr. Fab has not had such honor (and still won’t go free) and he really, really, really, really wants this. And wasn’t afraid to say it. Which I seriously and truly admire. (You know I love you Crystal baby, but this is for HUMANITY!!!)
3. If Fab wins, he is going to buy us all beer. Even you.
4. If Fab wins, the war in Iraq will magically end, bringing all the troops home and leaving a stable Iraq. In other words, if Fab wins, we all win! And they’ll have to talk about something else for the election!
So go on. Please. I am begging you here. I’m on my kneeeeees for Fabby.
I am not going to lie and tell you it will be easy. You’ll need to register. But I have like 400 readers. And if all of you would go and register just ONE email address today, we really could, together, make a difference. This here blog could change the WORLD. And YOU can be part of it.
And all you need to do is…
(plus, I could totally win an OhMiBod, and you know that would be blogging GOLD!)