All Mommy All The Time

First – before I write one more word – I have to say two things

  1. I’m OK. Really. I am. I have an obsessive tendency to worry about what other people think of me and focus on the teeny negatives instead of the overwhelming positives. It’s what I do – and something I’m working on. Fucking personal growth. Blech.
  2. You all are so much more than OK. Your comments were so sweet and amazing. Your emails were unexpected and appreciated. I don’t even have the words to tell you how cool it is to have you all reach your little arms out to me to try to make me feel better. Too sweet. Really.

And now that THAT’s over with…

Miss Britt is pissed again! YAY!

Seriously though. I was reading blogs the other day instead of working because I am lazy like that and I read about a new “product”.

Ladies and (well, just ladies I supposed), I present to you, The Stimulation Top:


Or, as I like to call it, further evidence that the world is losing its collective fucking mind.

Is this the latest fashion disaster? Well, yes. But no, no… not really. This hideous ensemble, dear readers, is a way that mothers everywhere can FINALLY stop being a Woman and start being a Mom – head to toe, day in and day out. YAY!!

OK, the destroyers of female independence manufacturer’s say:

“The luxurious soft cotton of the Yes! SuperBaby™ Stimulation Top, textured straps and attachment rings promote visual and tactile stimulation for the child. The top consists of one multi-colour stimulation zone which caters for babies of 4 months and older. This colourful design can be flapped open to reveal a high-contrast black and white stimulation zone for newborns up to 3 months.

The Yes! SuperBaby™ Top is worn by the parent/carer and thus allows the stimulation zones to be easily viewed and touched by the infant. The top also includes two rings that allow to attach rattles, teethers, books or small toys. The advantage of being able to add and remove toys is that a child can play with her/his favourite toys. Improves daily life for mothers as you can keep your child entertained while you can multi-task on the phone, internet or during travelling with the baby on your lap!”

Oh. My. Shit.

Reading this description again I am just flabbergasted. A fucking shirt that you wear so that you can stimulate baby all the time. A fucking piece of clothing that you can HANG FUCKING TOYS OFF OF so that your child never has a moment without stimulation and entertainment.

What the mutherfreaking HELL?!?!

People. Seriously. I have kids. I like them a good majority of the time. I am mostly grateful for the opportunity to be a mother. But the idea that I am expected to personally provide constant “stimulation” to my children is infuckingSANE!

The thing is, this product isn’t really all that revolutionary or even controversial – some how. This is just another indication of what we keep telling women motherhood is supposed to be. We’re spoon feeding women this idea that Motherhood is the Be All To End All and THAT’S ALL.

When you give birth your life stops. And it may resume again 18+ years later when your services are no longer needed, thank you, here’s your gold watch, good night.

Among the non-kid-haters (and don’t even get me started on the other camp… that’s a rant for a whole ‘nother day), there seems to be this proliferation of thought that the only way to be a good mother is to be “Just” a mother. (Oh my God! Did she just say “just” a mother?! JUST a mother?!?! Do you not KNOW…. yes, fuck you, I do KNOW.)

As a mom, I feel like I am surrounded by the idea that my life has to be about my kids and NOTHING else. If I want time alone, I’m a bad mom. If I let my kids go amuse themselves for awhile, I’m a bad mom. If I don’t sign my kids up for every cocksucking activity under the Notes Home From School sun and happily sacrifice every weekend and week night in the name of “enrichment” – I’m a bad mom.

And now, apparently, if I’m not willing to dangle teething rings from my nipples, I am not doing all that I can for my little prodigies. And obviously do not really love my children. And of course, I am a bad mom.
Fuck. This. Enough is E.Fucking.Nough.

Do you remember when parenting was a Natural Part of Life? Part. Part of. Part of a bigger fucking picture.

I mean yes, child rearing is intensive. And time consuming. And, to a large extent, life consuming. It’s overwhelming and at times all encompassing. Yes, you should do all you can for your kids and give them great opportunities and love them and nurture them and blah blah blah blah freaking BLAH.

But you know what, it’s not All About Them. At least, it didn’t use to be. And it sure as hell shouldn’t be.

What the hell are we teaching our kids if we build our entire lives around them? What are we preparing them for? Because I guarantee you that when these spoiled rotten, entitled little “angels” get out into the real world – no one else is going to stop the earth on it’s axis because they need to be Stimulated. And they’re going to be pissed. Real pissed. And you know what? No one will give a shit about that either.

The thing is, I love my kids. And I take motherhood very seriously. I make it a point to be a proactive, conscientious parent. I purposely teach my kids the alphabet and numbers and manners and life lessons. I specifically make a point to get in their faces and look them in the eye and say “you are loved. And awesome. And always know that, OK?”

But I’ve also decided that it is not acceptable for them to interrupt me when I’m on the phone. Are you bleeding? No. Is your sister bleeding? No. Then you can wait until I’m done to tell me about whatever it is you have to tell me.

And we’re not doing flag football AND cub scouts AND junior golf AND future whatever the hells of the greater US this year either. We’re going to pick. Oh yes, that’s right, we’re going to choose what we will and will NOT be doing. And do you know why? Because I will lose my damn mind if I have something scheduled every damn night of the week.

And also? Yes, we live in Florida. Even though the kids “love snow and can’t understand why ANYONE would leave Iowa and when I grow up I’m going to live in the SNOW!” Because right now, I pay the freaking mortgage – so I get to pick. And when they are all grown up they can do it how THEY want to do it.

But until then… this is still my life too.

And I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend it with stimulation rings printed on my fucking outfit.

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