Why all tech support people should blog…

Sometimes truth is better than fiction.

And sometimes, it is just a really, really bad idea to decide to deal with tech support really late at night when you’re really, really tired.

And bored.

And think it would be funny to amuse yourself by screwing with some poor tech support guy.

Copied and Pasted directly from the chat transcript:

04/24/2007 10:34:13PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Thank you for patiently waiting. You have reached Dell Hardware Warranty Chat Support. My name is JOSEPH and I will be assisting you today. In order for me to help you, can you provide details about the issue you’re having?”

04/24/2007 10:34:39PM Britt _: “my keyboard isn’t working”
04/24/2007 10:34:42PM Britt _: “specifically….”
04/24/2007 10:34:53PM Britt _: “the b, n space, question mark and down arrows”

04/24/2007 10:35:26PM Britt _: “hello??” (apparently 30 seconds is too long for a princess to wait)

04/24/2007 10:35:52PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Britt, I will be glad to work with you on resolving the keyboard problem, let me verify a little information and then we’ll get started.”
04/24/2007 10:36:44PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “To ensure we are working with the correct system, are you chatting about the Inspiron 1501 listed on your account?”

04/24/2007 10:37:00PM Britt _: “yes”

04/24/2007 10:37:36PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Thank you. I can replace that keyboard for you, Britt. Can I get your current shipping address, please?”

04/24/2007 10:37:48PM Britt _: “what??”
04/24/2007 10:37:57PM Britt _: “”
04/24/2007 10:38:02PM Britt _: “so you’re not even going to try to fix it??”
04/24/2007 10:38:36PM Britt _: “it’s a laptop, you know that, right?”

(because you should always question a man’s intelligence when he’s trying to help you.  They love that.)

04/24/2007 10:38:59PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Yes. And if any key stops working, it has to be replaced.”

04/24/2007 10:39:22PM Britt _: “ok – are you going to replace the entire laptop then?”

04/24/2007 10:40:07PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “No. The keyboard is easy to replace, so I can send it as parts only, but if you do not want to or feel comfortable installing it, we can send it to our repair depot.”

04/24/2007 10:40:37PM Britt _: “it is easy to replace?”
04/24/2007 10:41:12PM Britt _: “if i try to and screw it up, can i call you then and say “Oh my god i suck, never mind, fix it for me?!?!” because i need a plan b here”

(this must have been the point where the delirium set in and I became convinced that all Joseph needed was to really be able to connect with someone)

04/24/2007 10:42:49PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If something goes wrong in the installation, we will take care of it. Let me show you a link that illustrates how to do it.”

04/24/2007 10:43:13PM Britt _: “ok….”
04/24/2007 10:43:16PM Britt _: “waiting for the link….”
04/24/2007 10:43:25PM Britt _: “wow, you guys must have to look up everything!! lol”

04/24/2007 10:43:28PM Agent (RTS Joseph J) sends page:

04/24/2007 10:43:39PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Sometimes pages do load slowly.”

04/24/2007 10:44:01PM Britt _: “ok”
04/24/2007 10:44:08PM Britt _: “my husband says he can do it”
04/24/2007 10:44:10PM Britt _: “famous last words ya know joseph!”

04/24/2007 10:44:50PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If you get it and decide that it is too tough, it’s no problem to chat or call in for assistance with it.”

(poor Joseph, trying to remain professional)

04/24/2007 10:45:08PM Britt _: “awesome, that’ll do”
04/24/2007 10:45:20PM Britt _: “i was going to say “that’ll do Pig, that’ll do” – ya know, from the movie Babe”

04/24/2007 10:45:45PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Ok. Please give me 4-5 minutes while I get the order together for you and then I will provide some reference numbers and information.”

(and here is where I lose my damn mind)

04/24/2007 10:45:55PM Britt _: “great, thanks”
04/24/2007 10:46:00PM Britt _: “i’ll amuse myself here in the mean time”
04/24/2007 10:46:55PM Britt _: “laaa ddeeeeee dahhhh”
04/24/2007 10:47:00PM Britt _: “laaa deeee dahhh”
04/24/2007 10:47:10PM Britt _: “i bet this sounds better in real life than it looks in a chat window”
04/24/2007 10:48:10PM Britt _: “you poor thing Joseph J, I am going to totally end up as your blog fodder, aren’t i?”

04/24/2007 10:49:29PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Luckily (unluckily?), I don’t keep a blog.”

(Oh my god, I think Joseph just made a joke!)

04/24/2007 10:49:41PM Britt _: “lol, oh you should”
04/24/2007 10:49:49PM Britt _: “you would have material for days  ”

04/24/2007 10:50:20PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If only all customers were as fun.”

(see? he loves me, it’s obvious)

04/24/2007 10:50:42PM Britt _: “yeah well, it’s almost 11 o’clock at night, i’m deliriously tired”
04/24/2007 10:50:46PM Britt _: “and i’m online trying to fix my damn keys”
04/24/2007 10:50:56PM Britt _: “do you have any idea how hard it is to type without the b space and n??”
04/24/2007 10:51:09PM Britt _: “luckily, my mom just thinks i was asking about her itch”

(which, mom? totally kidding about this, you know this, right?)

04/24/2007 10:51:51PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Thanks for holding, Britt, it has been a great pleasure working with you today. I’m going to send you some important information for your records. I apologize for its lengthiness. Let me know if you have any questions about it.”

04/24/2007 10:52:06PM Britt _: “i will, thanks”
04/24/2007 10:52:08PM Britt _: “wait”
04/24/2007 10:52:11PM Britt _: “is that the right answer?”

04/24/2007 10:52:13PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Please use these numbers for future questions on this issue: case #18888 and dispatch #022222 .”

04/24/2007 10:52:18PM Britt _: “thank you – send it – great”

04/24/2007 10:52:26PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “For future reference, a copy of this chat will be sent to the email you provided as you entered the chat.”

04/24/2007 10:52:27PM Britt _: “you’re sending me those too? or do i have to write that down?” (because i’m starting to have a friggin’ heart attack here with all this information he’s throwing at me like bam! bam! bam!)
04/24/2007 10:52:33PM Britt _: “ROTFLMAO – awesomne”
04/24/2007 10:52:38PM Britt _: “awesome, that is”

04/24/2007 10:53:03PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “The entire chat will be emailed to you, so you don’t have to keep up with these details right now.”

04/24/2007 10:53:07PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “In accordance with your service contract, we have setup a “Parts Only” dispatch. The part(s) will be shipped by next business day carrier based on parts availability.”
04/24/2007 10:53:11PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If the dispatch is setup after 5:00 p.m. local time it may be deferred to the next business day. You should receive the part(s) in 1-3 business days.”

04/24/2007 10:53:14PM Britt _: “oh ok, good, i suck at details”

04/24/2007 10:53:17PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “You will find a return airbill in the box with the replacement parts. Please replace all included parts (including cables) and pack the old parts back into the box. Affix the included airbill to the outside of the box and call DHL at 1-800-247-2676 to hav”
e them returned to Dell Inc.
04/24/2007 10:53:21PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Please return the parts within 5 days of receipt of the replacement part(s). If Dell does not receive the part(s) back within 10 business days, you will be invoiced for the cost of the replacements.”
04/24/2007 10:53:24PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If you miss the initial return window and receive the invoice, please perform the replacement as soon as possible and complete the above steps to return the parts. Please include a note with the parts that you were invoiced. Be advised that it will take a”
pproximately 10 business days for Dell to process the returned parts.

04/24/2007 10:53:33PM Britt _: “oh woah, NOW you go fast”
04/24/2007 10:53:37PM Britt _: “this is the important stuff!”
04/24/2007 10:53:44PM Britt _: “(breathe, breathe, this crap is being emailed)”

04/24/2007 10:53:50PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If you need further assistance with this case, you may contact us via [Chat]: www.dell.com/chatsupport or [Email]: us_acs_team_1@dell.com (include your Case# and Service Tag) [Subject]: Team 317 Email Dell Inc. Case#12222″

04/24/2007 10:53:56PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “For service status, please go to http://support.dell.com 1. Log in. 2. Click on “My Order Status.” 3. Click on “My Support” and select “Service Call Status.” 4. Enter your Dispatch Reference# (Service Call Number) and Region or Service Tag.”

04/24/2007 10:54:04PM Britt _: “will i get you back?”
04/24/2007 10:54:09PM Britt _: “i like you joe, can i call you joe?”

04/24/2007 10:54:22PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Sure, you can call me Joe.”

(and now we’re in love)

04/24/2007 10:54:37PM Britt _: “sweet”
04/24/2007 10:54:40PM Britt _: “well thanks joe”

04/24/2007 10:54:43PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If you do chat in, you likely would get another agent, but you can ask to transfer to me.”

(see? loooove)

04/24/2007 10:54:44PM Britt _: “you’ve been very helpful”
04/24/2007 10:54:51PM Britt _: “i will do that!”
04/24/2007 10:55:15PM Britt _: “it’s not often you find a guy that gets right to the point AND gets the job done”
04/24/2007 10:55:16PM Britt _: “bravo”
04/24/2007 10:55:21PM Britt _: “tell your boss you deserve a raise”
04/24/2007 10:55:25PM Britt _: “or at least a bonus”

04/24/2007 10:55:57PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Britt, it was great working with you today! What resolved your issue was to replace the keyboard. Were there any other questions regarding the system that I can help you with today?”

04/24/2007 10:56:23PM Britt _: “ummmm.. is what’s your number going too far?  ”

(people I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried)

04/24/2007 10:56:40PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “And I appreciate the compliment, my boss got a laugh out of it.”

(he’s talking about the getting the job done thing, keep up)

04/24/2007 10:56:42PM Britt _: “oh joe, i’m kidding” (i’m talking about the number thing – have to step back and play coy you know)
04/24/2007 10:56:49PM Britt _: “no, i have no other questions”
04/24/2007 10:56:52PM Britt _: “LOL”
04/24/2007 10:56:55PM Britt _: “well good”
04/24/2007 10:56:59PM Britt _: “someone should  ”
04/24/2007 10:57:09PM Britt _: “everything is all taken care of – thank you!”
04/24/2007 10:57:19PM Britt _: “you have a good night joe”

04/24/2007 10:57:23PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Thank you for using Dell Hardware Warranty Chat Support. Have a great night!”

How many people do you know hit on their tech support guy in a chat room?

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