I keep starting and stopping and restarting this post.
I feel like today, the day we officially embark on our journey, should be marked with something significant.
But I’ve already said so much! I’ve talked extensively about the RV trip and why we’re going. I’ve made a map and a form and a video. I’ve done all the talking and planning, and the only thing left to do is do it.
These last few days of doing have been harder than I expected. Saying goodbye to Faiqa made me seriously question leaving for the first time. She is like a sister to me, and living close enough to hug her often will always be one of the greatest gifts of my lifetime. Every time I think about not having that I hurt in my chest, and I understand why people centuries ago decided that the heart is where love lives in our bodies.
This week I also felt real fear and doubt for the first time. For months now people have been asking if I was nervous and I told them honestly that I wasn’t. Maybe all the planning didn’t allow much room for nerves. Maybe I was too naive to realize how nervous I should be.
But now we are scared.
Now we are questioning.
Now, with nothing left to do but go, we are more aware than ever of everything we’re leaving behind and of how little we know about what we’re heading into.
But that’s not how I wanted to mark today. Today is supposed to be significant. But maybe the doing is just what’s left after you’ve decided months ago. Maybe it was the deciding that was significant after all.
On August 15, 2010, we decided to take a year off to travel as a family.
Today, June 1, 2011 – less than 10 months later – the only thing left to do is go.
Here we go…