An Open Letter* To @Avitable On His Birthday

The first appearance of Abrittable

Dear Adam,

According to Flickr, this picture was taken on April 17, 2007.  It’s the very first picture we took of the two of us the weekend I flew down to Florida to see if I really could convince some strange guy from the Internet to give me a job so that I could move out of Parkersburg, Iowa.  Not even 3 years ago.  Can you believe we’ve actually been friends for less than three years?

Looking at that picture, I can’t help but think “Wow, that was a really bad dye job.”  And also, “All those people are right – you have lost a ton of weight!”  And also “Why do I look high?  Am I high? Oh my God, did you drug me?  No wonder I thought Orlando was a good idea!”


I know that you checked my blog drafts before you went to bed last night, hoping to see what I had written for your birthday today.  After seeing that nothing was there last night, I’m sure you ran to your computer first thing this morning and checked to see if maybe, just maybe, I had taken the time to write a post for you before I left for work this morning.  Even now, as I type this from the chair in your new living room while you sit around the corner at your own desk, I know you’re anxiously waiting and wondering “ooooh, what wonderful things is she going to say about me on my birthday?”

Don’t even try to deny it.  I know you, fucker.

Instead of writing your post last night or this morning, I’ve been thinking about what in the world I could possibly say to you on the Internet that would be a) good enough for your birthday and b) appropriate enough for The All Mighty Internet.

And then I gave up.  Because you and I?  We are the very definition of inappropriate.

Don’t roll your eyes and get that high pitched squeaky voice with me.  You know it’s true.   But inappropriate or not… you, Adam, are my VVBFF.

Where was I going with this?


I cannot for the life of me remember how I was going to tie that first part to this second part, but the one thing I wanted to say to you today was:

Thank you for your loyalty.

You are, without a doubt, the most loyal friend I have ever had.  You are always on my side, whether I deserve it or not.  You would help me bury the body and assure me that I shouldn’t feel bad because “you know, they totally had it coming, anyway”.  You always give me the benefit of the doubt that my intentions, at the very least, are good, because you believe in the good in me.

Over the last not even three years, I have come to believe in the good in you, too.

I have watched you soften your heart and open your mind to people you used to deem “beneath you”.  I’ve watched you push yourself to grow and change and accept the fact that maaaaayyyybe we all, even you, have a few things about ourselves that could be improved upon.  I’ve watched you take tiny steps to be less controlling and more comfortable with the idea that you don’t have to be in charge of everything.  I’ve watched you change the way you eat and dress and talk to strangers.

I know that not everyone likes change.  Resistance to change is a natural thing, and I know you’ve taken a lot of shit for some of the changes you’ve made in your life.  (Let’s not even talk about the fact that I’ve taken shit for the changes you’ve made, because, uh, what the hell?!?!  Ahem.  ANYway.)  I know that pushing yourself is not always easy – in fact, it rarely is.  But I’m really, really proud to have been able to watch you grow as a person.

Um, shit, this was not supposed to get mushy.

So.  Uh.



*Technically it’s open because it’s on the Internet.  Open letter does not always mean interesting, people.

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