I’ve been a little anxious about this upcoming weekend.
You see, here in central Florida it’s time for Avitaween – Avitable‘s ginormous Halloween party where about 100 people, including about 30 bloggers who I happen to adore, gather in costumes for a night of fun and ridiculous behavior.
See? A completely rational reason to be anxious, right?
The thing is, things have been more suck than not suck around here lately. (You may have picked up on that.) And while this weekend promises to be a fun time for many, I’ve been looking forward to it with more than a little trepidation.
Because those 30+ people who I happen to adore who are coming into town?
They know about the suck.
They know more, I’m sure, than they’d like to know about the suck. They know that my husband has made me cry. I’m sure they’ve speculated that there’s a pretty good chance that I have also made him cry. They know enough to know that they don’t know everything but that what they don’t know is probably, in all likelihood, filled with even more suck.
And they’re coming here for a party.
I don’t want to be the elephant in the room that makes everyone stop laughing.
I don’t want our friends – both mine and Jared’s – to feel awkward and uncomfortable when they sit at a dinner table with us.
I have had exactly three drinks since this whole mess with my marriage started. I don’t typically drink all that often anyway, but I’ve avoided alcohol like the plague for the past several weeks. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to have a drink at this party, but I’d really, really, really like to let go and just have fun for a little bit.
I want to have fun without feeling guilty about all the suck in my life.
I want just one weekend to let it all go and enjoy the moment.
I picked up Becky from the airport last night, and it’s almost impossible to be around her and not enjoy the moment.
And, you know what?
I’m going to enjoy the next few days with people I hardly ever see. I’m going to set aside the suck, knowing it will be right where I left it when I’m ready to dive back in, and just not think about that right now.
And while it might still be awkward for people to be around me… screw it.
Bring on the sun.