It’s Sunday night and this is the first time I’ve turned on the computer in three days. Which sounds really awesome if you ignore the fact that I now have a bunch of work that I usually do on the weekends that I still do not feel like doing and will therefore probably ignore until the very last minute.
But let’s not think about that right now.
Let’s think, instead, about what I’ve been doing instead of being on the Internet (which is so much more creative than saying “here is a list of bullets!” Clearly.):
0) Hilly made it safely to Florida last week and I had the pleasure of providing her with shelter until she got the keys to her new home. Jared and I, as well as the kids and the cat, had gotten quite fond of having someone new to talk to.
o) On Friday, Hilly ditched us in lieu of a house of her own. It’s like she didn’t think being woken up at 5:30 every morning by children she didn’t even give birth to wasn’t the most awesome thing in the world. And also something about being a grown up. Whatever
o) She did let me come along when she finally got the keys. I walked through her new home and pointed out all of the things that were wrong with it in order to convince her she should probably just live in my guest room help her fill out the paperwork that the rental company requires.
o) Friday night, after a quick change of bed linens, we welcomed Finn to our house for the weekend.
o) Finn, Hilly, Adam, Jared, the kids and I had dinner Friday night at our favorite Mexican restaurant. I did not take the second half of my 2 for 1 margarita special home with me in a plastic cup. I also did not spill it in Adam’s rental car. I mean, really, how irresponsible do you people think I am?
o) On Saturday, Finn and I headed for the Florida Mall in search of new makeup for me. Of course, before leaving, Finn attempted to make me over with her own makeup.
o) Within 30 minutes of being in the mall, a woman from the Clinique makeup counter had hunted me down in the shoe department and asked me if I wanted a makeover.
o) I do not recommend you let Finn make you over before going out in public. She is a beautiful, beautiful woman. And I suspect that she is moonlighting as a pimp and trying to trick innocent mothers into prostitution.
o) I do, however, absolutely recommend you take Finn shopping with you. She will show you exactly where to go to get re-made over and hold your hand as you fork out $133 for new (and totally worth it) makeup.
o) She will also tell you how fabulous your new shoes are.
o) And hold your jewelry for you while you get a hand treatment
from an eager saleswoman in the Aveda store.
o) And play with makeup products in Sephora with you. And she will not cry hardly at all when said makeup products that you insisted you both try cause what kind of resembles an allergic reaction.
o) In other words, Finn is totally awesome and girly and we had a fabulous, fabulous time being girls together all day Saturday while everyone else – um – I don’t know. Worked or something.
o) Saturday night, Adam brought over steaks for everyone (and two more guests) and Hilly finally came back to us!! – I mean, er, came over for dinner.
o) Adam made Devin cry and I had to put them both in time out.
o) We spent the rest of Saturday night playing board games and basically proving that Hilly, Finn, Jared and I are more awesome than anyone else.
o) We also took a group road trip to the store at midnight to buy a pregnancy test. Because those are the types of things that should be shared with a large group and not done in private at all.
o) I am not pregnant.
o) Neither is Hilly or Finn.
o) Adam is waiting for further testing.
o) Sunday morning, the girls went to get pedicures in the ghetto. We are all now officially gorgeous from our heads to our toes and you should be jealous that you were not there with us.
o) After our pedicures, Hilly and I said goodbye to Finn and headed for downtown Disney. Hilly squeed like a little girl every time she saw a Disney sign. Apparently, she’s kind of into Disney. A lot.
o) We met the Princess of the Universe (where the Universe is Winnipeg, Canada) for lunch at Planet Hollywood and confirmed for her that not everyone on the Internet is trying to kill you. She eventually relaxed and put her pepper spray away and we all enjoyed a ridiculously unhealthy lunch.
o) I came home to find that my husband and children had locked me out of my own house.
o) I took this as a sign that I should go move in with Hilly. Within 5 minutes of arriving at my new home, I fell asleep in Hilly’s new bed.
o) Several hours later my family arrived to take me back. I knew they’d miss me eventually. Although, I had kind of planned on it taking a little bit longer.
o) I spent the rest of the afternoon using my husband as a pillow while I watched made for TV movies and small children making something with what appeared to be a miniature hot glue gun. It seems they had used their time away from me to stock up on more toys that should find their way under their beds by… oh… let’s say Tuesday.
o) The. End.
o) Oh, wait. Right before I wrote this blog post I did this little interview with someone who was asking me questions like “why do you think your blog is successful?” I should go back and tell her it is because I write awesome stuff like this.