Planning a Child’s Birthday Party – Assvice Wanted

Hello, Internet.

You know how, sometimes, you come out of the woodwork with your words of wisdom and your well meaning suggestions for how I should fix this and handle that and basically live my life so much better than I am doing it now?

And you know how, sometimes, I like to dub that particular brand of helpfulness Internet Assvice?

Well, Internet, I’d like to assure you that the term Assvice is in no way meant to be anything but highly complimentary and should absolutely, in no way, discourage you from dispensing with it now.

In other words…

Dear Internet (and also God and Baby Jesus), please help me.

My daughter is turning 4 next week. We have (finally) set a date and time for her birthday party. The festivities are set for this Sunday at 2pm.

The guests include many of our adult friends and their children. (PS – if you’re a local friend of mine and I didn’t invite you it’s because I feel like a tool doing so because I don’t want to be pushy because I’m really awkward at this whole new friend thing but if you’d, say, like to bring your adorable little three year old and you’re totally awesome husband to our potentially awesome – if the Internet pulls through for me – party… email me. And if not, that’s totally cool too. AWKWARD! ACK!)

Anyway. Adult friends. Kids. Small handful of kids. Like, say 3-5 kids around Emma’s age and a couple around Devin’s age (he’s 9).

I’ve only ever hosted a family birthday party for the kids. Because, you know, we used to have family before we moved 1400 miles away from them. Family birthday parties are easy. You tell everyone a time, you clean up your house, you hide the dirty laundry from your in-laws and put out some cake and a potluck and Voila! Party!

You don’t need activities for a family party because First Grandson/Granddaughter And Future Heir To The Throne is all the activity you need for a bunch of middle aged and old people. You sit around in a circle while the Birthday Person runs from one relative to another and tells them thank you before moving on to the next box of wrapping paper. That’s how it’s done.

I’m pretty sure you can only get away with that shit with family.

So, Internet, what the hell do I do with a house full of adults who don’t really know one another and a handful of kids who don’t really know one another and a birthday girl whose only request is GIMME A MICKEY MOUSE PARTY AND A CAR!!?

Oh – and I have 2.5 days and an ittttty bitty budget to pull it off.

And…. go.

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