Why you should teach kids the real names of their body parts

I pride myself on being one of those moms.

You know. The enlightened mom.

My kids have seen me naked and no one oohs or ahhs or runs screaming from the room. They know girls have boobs. Meh. No big deal. Boys and girls are different. Meh. Whatever.

We can ask tough questions here, and expect to get answers. No one backs away from a subject because it’s awkward or uncomfortable. We don’t lie because the truth is difficult or involves big words. I’m not afraid to say “I don’t know” or “I wish it wasn’t that way, but it is.”

Like I said. I’m one of those moms, damn it.

Which is why it took me by surprise when my daughter wandered into my room one morning, trying to explain to me that her front butt hurt.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Mom. My front butt. It hurts. It needs medicine.”

“Your… what?”

And as matter of factly as if she had been explaining to me where her eyes and ears and mouth and nose were, she told me again.

“My. Front Butt. It hurts.”

“Your… ohhhhh. Oh. OH, your, uh. Well. Yes, um, ok. I can see how you could – front butt? Really?”

“Yes, I think I need medicine. Is the front butt medicine in my bathroom?”

And just like that I was consumed with hunting down the diaper cream and explaining that we wipe even when we pee and… somehow I completely failed at teaching her that the word was, in fact, vagina.

Because? Well?

Front butt.

I mean, really?

It’s kind of fucking genius.

Until I have to try to explain that babies come from front butts.

In other news:

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