Let’s start this post off by saying – yes, this might very well be about you.
And if it is? So what.
Seriously. This is not a condemnation of you as a person or even of your blog. It is not a declaration of my superiority over you and your annoying ways. It is nothing more than me being in a crabby mood and deciding to bitch.
And if you need that disclaimer to smooth your ruffled feathers? Lighten up.
ANYway, now that we’re all friends…
Two Blog Stunts That I Refuse To Participate In Even If I Adore The Blog Stunt Master:
1. The LEAVE ME A COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO BE ON MY BLOGROLL Stunt.
Maybe I’m a purist, but when I go to a blog, I assume that their blogroll is a list of blogs that the blogger actually reads. The only reason I would bother to peruse your blogroll is to see what blogs you recommend I read, based (I assume) on the fact that you actually enjoy them.
Imagine my surprise to find bloggers all over the Internet who have turned their blogrolls into worthless link farms requiring nothing more for admittance than a willingness to self promote. Those aren’t collections of Blogs I Recommend You Read, they’re a listing of Whose Who Among Internet Whores. At least label them properly so I know what I’m in for. Otherwise, you’ve in effect trashed the usefulness of blogrolls (which is why more and more of us don’t have them at all) AND jeopardized your own credibility.
And for what? One post with a bunch of people clamoring for you to include them? Me! Me! Oh! Pick Me! Do you feel loved now? Do you feel like your opinion matters now? Look at all these people who want to be part of your group!
OR… look at all these people who never take the time to comment on your actual content but will gladly use you to get another link back to their own web site!
And if you’ve actually responded to be included in one of those blogging cattle calls? Shame on you.
Seriously. Have you no pride? Have you no interest in producing content that people actually want to read, or are you satisfied with merely creating the appearance that they do?
Which leads me to my next bitch…
2. The WHO WANTS ME TO SEND THEM A CHRISTMAS CARD? Stunt.
I am not emailing you to ask you to send me a greeting card.
Seriously? Do you understand the concept of a holiday card? It’s for YOU to take a moment to tell ME that you were thinking of me. That I matter. That when you were making your List Of People I Want To Connect With This Season, you thought of me.
If you get to my name on that list and realize that you don’t have my address, email me and ask me for it. But if I have to remind you – or worse yet, ask you – to send me a holiday card… uh, thanks but no thanks. Dick.
And again – all of you people who actually respond to that crap – SERIOUSLY?!
How does this scenario play out in your head? Do you wander out to your mailbox one cold December morning and pretend to be surprised that someone sent you a card? Do you turn to your spouse and say “Oh, look honey, Mr. Blogger Who Spelled My Name Wrong sent us a card. Wasn’t that nice?” Do you feel like a big fucking phoney when you do?
Because you should.
That’s not a holiday card you’re taping to your refigerator. That’s YOUR VERY OWN PERSONALIZED POSTCARD! ONE FREE WITH EVERY COMMENT!
You can find something similar stuck between the pages of every magazine.
Of course, some of you will say that you really and truly want to send everyone a card. You love everyone who reads your blog. We’re all just one big happy family!
But some of you are full of shit.
And you know it.