Because No One Is Going To Read It Anyway…

I debated whether or not to write a post today. I leaned heavily towards not.

The Internet will be flooded with “things I’m thankful for” posts – most of which will be ignored as the usual readers have turned off the computer in order to attend their own Thanksgiving celebrations. And that is as it should be of course – the lack of readers, I mean.

I try to avoid offering up rehashed content that is of no interest to anyone but me as often as possible. Of course, that doesn’t stop me from shoving vents and rants and marital drama down your throats when I need to purge. But I don’t delude myself into thinking that my love of family and friends is anymore extraordinary (or interesting) than the next person’s.

And yet, sometimes, communication is less about the receiving than about the giving. Some words are spoken because they need to be said, more than they need to be heard.

So, for me, and mine….

I am thankful.

I am thankful for my family – for Jared, Devin and Emma, Mom, Dad, Creed, Jay, Lindsey, Jono, Tina, and yes, Terri. I’m thankful that you love me and give me an opportunity to love you back. I’m blessed to share my history with you.

I am thankful for my friends. For Erin, Aaron and Becky, who make sure that I am never forgotten. For Adam, who makes sure I’m not alone. For Hilly and Deanna, who make me laugh and give me a place to belong.

I’m thankful for my good fortune. For two jobs and a home that I don’t live in fear of losing. For only aches and pains to bitch about. For the security of groceries and the freedom of vacations.

For new dreams. For old ones that I am still in awe to watch come true. For more acceptance than rejection. For more success than failure.

For sitting in front of the monitor, a day before my Thanksgiving meal, attempting to put into words the wave of gratitude.

And realizing that there is just no way to capture the blessings.

I am far, far luckier than I deserve to be. Than anyone deserves to be.

I have sadness and anger and unfulfilled wishes – but they are laughable when stacked up to the overwhelming goodness.

I will never in a million years understand why I have been allowed happiness, while others struggle under enormous burdens. In an attempt to stave off the pangs of guilt, I usually try not to think about it in those terms. The unfairness can muddy the gratitude if you dwell on it.

But today I will allow it to wash over me. I will not ask why or why not. I will not be ashamed at my heaping plate, of the gluttony of gifts and good luck.

Today I will look at the list and be thankful.

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