It’s Hard Out Here For A Prude.*

*OR: The post that makes my step mom wish she hadn’t given this blog URL to everyone in my dad’s office. Heh. (Hi, Tina! Sorry, Dad!)

You people are a bunch of freaks.


Sometimes I swear I am the only woman left who has sex in the dark. At night. At bed time. In a bed.

I’m absolutely certain I am the last of the Mohicans Who Have Never Masturbated. (My apologies to the Mohicans for that totally unnecessary and inappropriate cultural reference.)

It seems that everywhere I look, from Cosmo to the blogosphere, everyone who is anyone is having all kinds of wild and crazy sex. You like it rough, you like it with batteries, you like it on uncomfortable surfaces when no one is home. You people just can’t get enough of Teh Sex.

And then there is me.

I don’t need an elaborate game of role play to get me in the mood. I prefer to avoid having to acclimate my vagina to anything that requires an owner’s manual. I limit the use of my butthole to pooping. And I sure as hell don’t expect to acquire any injuries during foreplay.

Apparently, that’s just me.

And you know what? I’m perfectly happy with my au naturale sex life.

I’m not repressed. I’m not puritanical. I’m not too sheltered to “know”. I’ve experienced The Big O more than some men, thank you very much.

And I’m tired of feeling like I have to keep up with the Nymphomaniac Stereotype that I see portrayed everywhere in the name of women reclaiming their sexuality. It seems that popular opinion has swung to the idea that if you are truly “comfortable” with yourself, you will gladly prove it to the world by sharing your fantastic escapades in the bedroom.

Something about that doesn’t sit right with me.

Whatever happened to sex being private? Whatever happened to sex between two people being fun and exciting and fulfilling all on it’s own – without the elaborate props and supplements?

It’s primal. It’s instinctive. Your bodies know how to do it without magazine articles or detailed diagrams. It can absolutely be enhanced and perfected with good communication with your partner – but it’s not rocket science, for Pete’s sake!

I think it’s time for the “prudes” to take a stand.

We should unite in our ability to copulate in the dark! We should not be ashamed of our plain old skin on skin fornication any longer! We should stand proud and loud and say “I only use my shower head to wash my hair!”

My name is Britt, and I have good old fashion, hot, steamy sex in my own bed! Whenever I am not too tired! RAWR!

Who’s with me?


I wonder what we will talk about tonight? I’ll give you a hint – it starts with a “P” and ends with a “ornography and whether it objectifies women.” Join us live at 9pm EST, sign up for reminders, or download earlier episodes on the Clearly, You’re Retarded show page.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *