I had a completely different post planned today. One not at all related to blogging. One that would make at least one pushy ass bitch proud.
And then? Someone crushed The Poppy.
Let me tell you a little about my relationship with Poppy. When she and I started our online “affiliation”, she didn’t trust me. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a complete retard – and so I knew she had some kind of issue with me. We were civil, we ran in the same circles, we shared the same friends and secret keepers. But we weren’t tight by any means. Now? Well let’s just say that now I want to face punch anyone who makes Poppy sad.
For those of you who didn’t click any of the above links, here’s the dish in a nutshell:
“I am very disappointed at how much of the blogosphere has imploded lately.”
A. Fucking. Men.
Let’s get one thing straight right here: this post is NOT directed at the haters and the trolls and the Judgey McJudgey Judgersons. Because honestly? Fuck them.
Now, I am not suggesting that no one is allowed to stop blogging. (Although seriously, how fucking cool would that be if I had that kind of power? RAWR!!!! Ahem. Moving on.) And I know lots of bloggers who have decided to shut down or dramatically slow down their blogging because it was interfering with other things they wanted to pursue in life. And to those people I say, good for you! Truly.
Have we covered all the disclaimers? Good.
Now, to those of you who are considering shutting down your blog because:
“Recent goings-on around the Internet have made me worry about being a blogger. What if I do or say something one day that will turn into a firestorm and anyone and everyone will be talking about me, judging me, ridiculing me, etc. And if they do, is it deserved because I’ve “opened myself up” here?”
“So many people that I thought I knew, whispering behind backs or coming straight out and directing their frustrations on a woman who is devastated and hurting beyond belief, all the while they are begging a just as guilty man to keep entertaining them daily. The venom spewed at one of the three is unbelievable to me.”
“This is not a place I desire to be any longer. Because this is a personal blog. And I have no need for people encouraging me to my face, then quick to IM or email behind my back with name calling, secretly waiting for me to fuck up so that they can quote my blog contents on Twitter and make fun of my pain as they jump all over my life. Surprise, surprise, I am human and oh so far from perfect. I am bound to fuck up sooner rather than later.”
If that is why you have considered shutting down your blog, then to you I say:
Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare.
If you think I don’t know where you’re coming from, you’re wrong. This woman can’t stand me. This one? Also not a fan. And while I am LOATHE to even link to them here, I’m so fucking done with the pussy footing around and the cryptic posts. They don’t like me. I’m not sending them Christmas cards either. End of story.
Big. Fucking. Deal.
I don’t say that to be insensitive. Truly, I don’t. Because while I can tell you now that it’s not a big deal, there was a time not all that long ago when it was a HUGE deal to me. Huge. And not because I’m insecure or immature or stupid or need a thicker skin.
It bothered me because there were a few things I still needed to learn about life and people in general. And while I know that it is damned near in possible for humans to learn from other people’s experiences because we have some genetic mutation that requires us to fall on our own faces first, I’d still like to piss in the wind make an effort to pass on to you what I learned.
And WHY I feel so strongly about people shutting down their blogs because of internet bullshit.
1. You’re not “overly sensitive”. Or naive. Or too trusting. Or stupid. There’s not a goddamned thing wrong with you. It’s just that when you’re not the type of person to go out HURTING people, it would NEVER occur to you that other people would be like that. Ever. When you run smack into that kind of behavior, you naturally ASSUME there must be a reason and that just maybe that reason lies within you. Because even THAT is easier to comprehend than the idea of someone hating just for the sake of hating, and hurting just for sport with no conscience at all.
All that being said, you’re wrong. Because…
2. It has nothing to do with you. Other people’s issues have nothing to do with you. Nothing. The thing is, everyone is looking at you and the world around them through their very own looking glass. They’re “seeing” you through their own past, their own experiences, their own pain, their own what the fuck ever that was there long before you ever came along.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you try to analyze everyone who dislikes you. There is no sense digging around in someone’s past in order to better understand WHY they feel/act the way they do. There’s no point. Because honestly…
3. Sometimes it just Is What It Is. Sometimes there is no reason that will make sense to you. Don’t even try. Just look at it from afar with the same detached curiosity of “hm, I wonder why some cultures put horseshoes through their nostrils? I don’t get it.” You have to learn to accept the fact that some people’s brains and souls and hearts work completely different from yours. If you start poking around in other people’s psyche it is way too easy to lose a firm hold on your own. And believe me when I tell you, it’s just not worth that.
All of this might sound like perfectly good reasons to shut down your blog. Distance yourself from anyone you don’t “get” or people with murky lenses to see you with.
But if you do that, you’re missing the most important point:
It’s not just online.
You can take down your blog and retreat from the Internet. You can throw yourself into “real life”. And eventually, you’ll run across it there too. In church groups. In neighborhoods. In mommy groups. And you will keep running into it until eventually you are forced to make a choice – learn how to live your life regardless of it, or retreat into a sheltered existence.
And what the fuck kind of life is that? Where is the fairness in that? Where is the respect and appreciation for the way YOU were made, for YOUR murky as hell but still valuable in this world lens?
If you let the fact that there are people who don’t get you, who don’t like you, who will dog you and mock you and go out of their way to attack you run you off the Internet – where does it end? How far are you willing to retreat in order to protect yourself?
At what point will you say, “Enough”?
I’m not telling you that all of this is some kind of magic answer. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t still second guess myself or considering running into my own cave once in a while.
But it does get easier. The doubt comes less and less. The desire to peek in and see what they’re saying about you now pops up less frequently. And most importantly, the ability to focus on those who do get you, who do love you for you, who do stand up and cheer for you and encourage you and support you – well, that part gets a whole lot easier.
And Poppy? I, for one, am not going anywhere.