How To Win Friends And Influence People On The Internet

Way back before the world blew up, I quickly wrote a post and asked you guys for your thoughts about blogging.

And you came out of the woodwork like a swarm of locusts! Or something.

To recap, I asked you:

“Do you ever read a blogger who never reads you? If so, how do you feel about that?

Do you ever feel like there is someone you’d like to connect with – but they seem inaccessible? Do you ever perceive an “inner circle” online that you want to be a part of?”

You were generous enough to tell me your thoughts. Naturally, I have a few of my own.

Personally, I read a ton of bloggers who don’t read me.

Some of them I read every day and never say a word. Some of them I comment on occasionally, even if that means my comment is one in 153 gazillion. And some of them I comment on every damn day like a crazy stalker because we are soul mates even if they don’t know it yet. (Seriously, we should make out. (Even though I am clearly lying about the commenting every day bit. Heh.))

The thing is, I read those blogs in the same way that I read books. I don’t care if the author never knows I exist. It’s not about me. (I am a lying whore.) It’s about them and what they write and the fact that I just really, really enjoy it.

Of course, bloggers are not (for the most part) best selling authors. I get that.

One of the main reasons that bloggers start blogging in the first place, as opposed to actually writing a book is because we value the instant gratification of feedback. We love comments. We build relationships. We don’t just write books that end up on shelves read by strangers (because we TOTALLY COULD IF WE WANTED TO!), we reach out and connect with one another and build communities.

I know this better than anyone. I have leaned on the Internets in all sorts of unhealthy ways. Hell, I met my boss through blogging.

So, while I continue to read bloggers that I don’t have any kind of personal relationship with, I also appreciate the value of being the kind of blogger that people can connect with.

That was a hell of a lot easier when Adam and Amy were the only people reading my blog.

I don’t want to get all I Am The Queen Of The Internet on you, because clearly I am not. But there are also anywhere from 300 to 600 people a day reading this crap. And 300 people? That’s an entire assload (it’s an official measurement, look it up) of people to try to *connect* with. I have trouble finding the time to talk to my four siblings on their birthdays a regular basis.

What’s my point?

(Besides, I mean, making myself sound like a grandiose ass and illustrating once again that I am a shitty friend?)

My point, dear reader, is this:

I am so, so stinking glad you are here. Yes, you. You will never in a million years hear me say “I have enough friends, thanks”, because there is no such thing as enough friends. There is always room for one more at this table. (Unless you’re a douche bag. The douche bag table is over there.) In fact, that is one of the reasons that I try to respond to every single comment right here on this blog.

Please do not let the fact that a blogger might already seem to have an “established” group of friends deter you from reaching out to them. Hell, I’m sharing a hotel room in less than 4 weeks with three people that I’d never even talked to a few short months ago.


Be patient. Be realistic. The fact that you drop by someone’s place and comment does not necessarily mean that they will run over to your place and start commenting back immediately. You might not be BFFs in a month even if you really, really like them. Relationships online build over time, just like they do offline.

And they require you to put yourself out there a little bit. Say hi. Introduce yourself. BE yourself. And understand that if it takes someone a little while to return the favor it may just be because they’ve got their own shit going on right now (as opposed to OMG YOU THINK I AM A DORK AND YOU HATE ME! DON’T YOU?!?!).

In other words, I am not ignoring you and I love that you comment and please don’t stop commenting just because I haven’t been a good blogger lately and I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings and I’ll try to do better I promise I promise I promise because I so get that you just want to be LOVED and I so love meeting new people and I am sure we will get along FAMOUSLY as soon as I am able to pull my head out of my ass and I could have saved us all a lot of time and rambling if I had just said THAT.

The. End.

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