In Which I Call Forth A Mountain Of Swag

I don’t know if you noticed, but I have recently had my big coming out party with The Mommy Bloggers. I wore pink pajama bottoms and we served Cosmos in sippy cups. The moms can really hold their booze. It’s been fun.

ANYway, I’ve noticed that many of the “mommy bloggers” are the beneficiaries of all kinds of good swag. In fact, some of them have so much interaction with PR people that they have started offering advice on how bloggers and PR People should interact with one another.

I know. I hate them too.

But then, I got to thinking… perhaps I have yet to be overrun by PR pitches because I have not clearly identified my niche. Or rather, I have done a damn good job of identifying what companies should run screaming from me.

I’m certain the good people at Johnson & Johnson have stumbled upon my blog and (aptly) deduced that I am far too lazy to childproof my house with plastic outlet covers, even if they were sent to me free. And I’m sure that Lindsay has figured out that my foul mouth and dirty house is a media shit storm waiting to happen for Graco. (OK, and I might have inadvertently compared her to Don Johnson. Totally on accident!)

But still. Have Blog. Have readers. Must. Have. Free Shit Swag.

In an effort to assist the public relations and marketing masterminds who would so clearly benefit from a relationship with me, I think it’s only prudent to get the ball rolling and offer some suggestions of Free Shit I Would Totally Love To Get products and services that would be well received by myself and my “audience”. I’m proactive like that (read: total asset! yes! you want me!).

Ahem.

I give you, the list of products I would happily sell my soul for:

  • Cute shoes. I think it’s safe to say that my readers would welcome me getting free shoes an honest review of the latest thing in shoe fashion. I have already documented my expertise in the area. I have credibility! Really. (Seriously, Tony, baby, call me.)
  • Some kind of fancy foreign Au Pair service. I mean, seriously. I may not be the best blogger for a review of Family Safety Tips. But you will clearly not find a better candidate for letting someone else raise your children. So, if you’d like to send some cute little foreign girl to stay in my guest room for a couple years while she cooks and cleans and takes care of all the Not Fun parts of motherhood, I will happily provide a totally unbiased review of your service (wink, wink.) (PS – please send girl who can teach my kids French. Between living in Florida and Dora, they’re doing just fine on the Espanol.)
  • Vodka. The Brittini drink is practically iconic already, I assure you. And it’s effects are well known throughout the blogosphere. But we’re still searching for an official Vodka sponsor. Just think, Vodka Company People, you could be associate with this.
  • Vasectomies. My husband has already proven that he is willing to surrender his balls for the good of the blog. He’s generous like that. I have no doubt at all that he would gladly succumb to a practically not invasive at all procedure if he was asked nicely.
  • Prince. I should warn you, Prince and I have already shared sweat – so it’s going to take more than a free CD (lie! lie! will totally take free Prince CD! and candid photos too!) to make it worth my while. But if you need to, say, promote his awesomeness or new music or OMG WHATEVER YOU WANT, I might be swayed to participate in some kind of exclusive backseat… er… back STAGE, I meant STAGE meet and greet. (Or seat. I would totally be willing to meet and greet him in a backseat. I mean, you know, if it’s necessary.)

I’m sure there are countless other companies that could benefit from my influence and awesomeness. But this will have to do for now. I’m terribly busy, you know.

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