How does a pair of Dora the Explorer roller skates prompt me to start shopping around for a cheerleading outfit?
Oh, dear reader, let me tell you how.
My daughter got a pair of roller skates for her birthday this past weekend. Once gifts were open and cake was devoured, she insisted on trying out the new skates. We laced her up and headed outside.
While Jared, Adam and Adam’s wife and I all stood around watching how much fun the kids were having skating, I commented that I should get roller skates.
“They’d be great exercise, and roller skating is so much fun.”
At this point, everyone collapsed on the sidewalk in a fit of laughter.
Cock suckers. Every last one of them.
They explained that I was too old to roller skate. I reminded them that I used to skate all the time. I’m sure it’s just like riding a bike! But again – they are cock suckers. All of them. They laughed and laughed and made some rather undignified remarks about me getting old. And possibly less than coordinated.
“Listen here,” I raged, “I know what my body is capable of! Not only can I still roller skate, but I can still do the cheerleading routine to my high school fight song! It hasn’t been that long!”
Ladies and gentleman, I give you…
First person to comment on my thighs gets punched in the head.