100 Things: Part 5

We are finally at the half way mark of this incessantly long “100 Things About Miss Britt” series.

Let’s move quickly through the internal links and onto the meat and potatoes, shall we?

So far we’ve covered my family, my most memorable moments, and things that I hate.

Last week I enthralled you with 10 things that I love. The last thing that I mentioned loving was “making money“, which I know came as quite a shock for most of you. (Which reminds me, have you clicked on a Google ad today? Hmmmm?)

Because that fun fact was so terribly interesting, I thought we’d add on that today.

100 Things About Miss Britt: 10 Things I’ve Done To Make Money

  1. I have sold insurance. Not the respectable kind, mind you. Oh no. I sold Accidental Death and Dismemberment Insurance. To JCPenney customers. Over the phone. “Mrs. Smith, I understand you have life insurance, and that’s great. But what if you don’t die? What if you just lose an arm or something? Do you know what an arm could be worth to you?”
  2. I have sold radio advertising. The title they give you is “Account Executive”. But I assure you, there is nothing “executive” about schlepping into every mom and pop shop in town and presenting them with very pretty presentations printed out on copy paper, all in a desperate attempt to sell a $400 radio schedule. Everyone I knew thought it was pretty cool that I “worked at the station” though. “Oooh, do you get free tickets?” Yes, yes I did.
  3. I have sold direct mail to car dealers. You know that junk mail you get promising you a free iPod and a chance to win $10,000 just for taking a test drive? Yep, that was me. And that shit? Actually works.
  4. I have helped start, market and run an Internet affiliate company. Our very first product was “How to sell stuff on the Internet”. We figured if it worked – we had a good product.
  5. I have sold vitamins and other nutritional goodies. Although really, I was selling a dream. Yep, I made my living for about three years doing multi-level-marketing. And it was a damn good living, too.
  6. I have been a life coach. If you google my real name, the first slew of results that come up are for my work as a life coach. I specialized in helping people with small businesses. (Hello? Boss? Do you hear that? Maybe you should listen to my awesome ideas!!) It was the best job I ever had. “Let me tell you how to fix your life, OK?”
  7. I worked as a telemarketer selling caller ID. My opening line was “Hey Chuck, don’t you freaking hate telemarketers like me? How about I help make sure you never have to talk to another annoying sales person again…” That worked really well. Especially if the guy’s name happened to be Chuck.
  8. I day traded. The S&P 500, specifically. That actually was a lot of fun – although apparently it’s supposed to be stressful. It’s not stressful so much as really, really time consuming. You can barely get up to pee during trading hours. And, well, I have to pee a lot.
  9. I have danced on a table. Hey, don’t you judge me! Most girls get drunk and hop up on bars just to be hoochie mamas. At least we got gas money! (Hi Mom!)
  10. I also taught kids about Jesus. And the Pope. And the importance of Confession. OK, OK, you got me. I didn’t really do it for the money. Clearly, I was doing it so that the other parishioners would whisper about what a good person I was.

The end. You will kindly notice that I did not include mention of marrying for and/or having sex for money.

But swear to Betsy if the one I’m with now ever up and disappears, that’s going to be my plan B.

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