I expect the ransom note any minute…

I am so lost. So betrayed. I feel as if my trust in humanity and friendship and goodness itself has been ripped from my chest – nay, my soul.

As you all know, I am moving to Florida. What you do not know is that thanks to a recent mishap with the butt of my swimsuit and a not wet enough water slide, I have found myself days away from being an official Floridian with no swimsuit.

I’m a planner, and so I hopped on the Internet ASAP and ordered myself a few suits. (On sale – YAY!) Now, being a planner I know that the shipping department of these outfits are NOT planners – at least, not very good ones. And no matter what the “shipping description” window may say, you never know exactly when your package of nylon goodness may arrive.

So, I entrusted my online purchases to a friend. I unchecked the little “shipping address same as billing address” box and entrusted my treasures to DHL and someone else’s door step.

Yesterday, I received this picture…


YAY!  I thought.  They’ve arrived safely and my dear friend is reassuring me that my purchases will be happy in my hot little hands soon enough.

And then, my world was shattered.  A few short minutes later, I received this…


Those.  Are balls.  In.  My suit.

Big. Hairy. Sweaty. Juicy. Balls.

In. My suit.

And you know the worst part?  I got those bitches on CLEARANCE which means there is NO chance of replacing them now.  NONE!

I’m just so… broken.

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