It’s time, once again, for me to pimp myself.
But this time, it’s serious.
This time, while purusing the list of nominees and past winners, it hit me that while I get nominated for shit all the time, I never win. Ever. And yet every time I get nominated, I stand up here and pimp myself, begging for votes. And nothing. Nada. And do you know what that makes me?
A whore with no pimp. And no money. Er… wins.
We just cannot have that people. So, who wants to wear the purple feathered hat and help me win something for once? Hmmm?
1) The 2 bloggers who (together) would have the best looking kids:
Obviously! Plus they would be BRILLIANT! And FUNNY! And ILLEGITIMATE! What more can you ask for in fantasy children?
5) Blogger with the best boobs:
Ok. I know. They aren’t “big” or “full” or any of the things that we have been conditioned to think “best boobs” are supposed to be. But I nursed two babies out of these things! Surely that should be worth a vote or two. A vote for me and my boobs is a vote for the acceptance of real women everywhere!!
7) Blogger most likely to have the most kick-ass house EVER:
First, I would like to say that I have seen some of you already vote in this category. And I cannot believe that you would abandon me here of all places. Really. I’m crushed.
Now, I would like you all to remember MY new house… granite counters, jacuzzi tubs, virgin toilets, guest bedrooms and bathrooms leading out onto the pool (with vacancies for bloggers who vote – correctly!)… a slide from the second story bedroom leading into pools of jello…
9) Blogger you most want to have over for dinner:
I cook! I clean! I walk around the house topless on request!
Just think my pretties, I am about to be in possession of an all expense paid “hotel” of sorts in a very touristy location. Votes for me are almost like votes for yourself, really. And copying and pasting this on your own blog to attract even MORE votes for me?
Well, that’s as good as… say… clean towels in your bathroom every morning.